Ancient Wisdom for Modern Relationships
A Guide to Healthier Connections
We all have relationships. Romantic relationships can leave us happy and fulfilled, or bankrupt our values. The relationship to our friends can be harmonious and helpful, or foster distrust, envy, and manipulation. Our relationship to our employer can also be fulfilling, or inauthentic and draining as we engage in a people-pleaser dynamic.
As humans, we innately desire connectedness. “We were born to work together” says Marcus Aurelius, “like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural." (Meditations Book 2 Verse 1) Yet, we obstruct each other with our shoulds and musts—with our clamouring desire for control or to be liked:
“I must put this relationship before my well being or it will end.”
“You should take my side, no matter what, if you’re my friend.”
“I must answer every email the moment it hits my inbox. I should work longer hours at the expense of my mental health—or else my boss won’t consider me for a promotion.”
These internal demands echo in our current climate. There’s an undertone of “all the good ones are gone”, “hustle and sleep when you’re dead”, and “with friends like that, who needs enemies?”
These mentalities are worn like badges of honor by those who think it toughens their character, and keeps them from being weak. The hard truth is these lenses are worn by those far from tough. Paradoxically, it speaks to the void of dignity and self-respect within.
What’s the point of having a partner if you’re not mutually supported? What sort of friendship would demand you put your values on the chopping block—to become someone you’re not? And what if “hustling” got you that promotion? Would you carry on at that pace? On your deathbed, will you be thankful for a life well-lived attached to your Gmail, and holding the record for most employee-of-the-month’s?
Our relationships pave the path to who we were, are, and are becoming. They mirror who we are; and it’s not just us that catches the reflection, but everyone else—including our children. And although we promote self-autonomy, that happiness should ultimately come from within, our relationships playing a part is inescapable. Aristotle elaborates on this in his Nicomachean Ethics. He says that although self-sufficient happiness is the “final good”—at the end of the day, we are responsible for our own—as functioning members of society, our relationships play a role:
The term self-sufficient, however, we employ with reference not to oneself alone, living a life of isolation, but also to one's parents and children and wife, and one's friends and fellow citizens in general, since man is by nature a social being.— Nicomachean Ethics Book 1, Ch. 7, H. Rackham translation
He goes on to argue that this self-sufficient happiness is the final and complete end which we pursue for its own sake.
And so, our destination should not be the closest one, whatever gets us to a place or ease and satisfaction sooner. Eudaimonia should be our goal. A life well-lived is an active practice, for it is not measured by a single fleeting moment of happiness or one good year, but as a whole. For a topic as multifaceted as relationships, you need multifaceted tools. That's why we've carefully selected our speakers for The Philosophy of Love and Relationships—to provide you with precisely that.
While their final talk titles being prepared, here is the essence of what each esteemed speaker will share. Listing subject to change.
Scott Waltman PsyD ABPP, coauthor of Socratic Questioning for Therapists and Counselors (Routledge), The Stoicism Workbook:, and the forthcoming The Rescuer Trap (New Harbinger),
Dr. Waltman will be speaking on “rescuing”—the unhealthy dynamic where one person intervenes to solve another's problems, shielding them from natural consequences and ultimately hindering their growth, autonomy, and accountability.
Mike Fontaine, professor of classics at Cornell University, author of How to Get Over a Breakup: An Ancient Guide to Moving On and How to Have Willpower: An Ancient Guide to Not Giving In (Princeton University Press).
Prof. Fontaine will explore the startlingly modern and witty wisdom of the ancient Roman poet Ovid on mending a broken heart. He will reveal how this 2,000-year-old text provides not only a fascinating historical perspective but also surprisingly astute, and often humorous, psychological insights for navigating the universal pain of a breakup today.
Armand D'Angour, Professor of Classics at the University of Oxford, and Fellow of Jesus College, Oxford, author of Socrates in Love: The Making of a Philosopher and How to Talk about Love: An Ancient Guide for Modern Lovers.
Prof. D'Angour's talk will delve into Plato's Symposium, exploring the profound and varied definitions of love presented by the Athenians at a legendary drinking party. He will guide us through the key speeches, from Aristophanes' myth of soulmates to Socrates' revelation of love as the pursuit of eternal beauty.
Dr. Helen Marie, UK-based trauma therapist & self-work guide, author of Choose You :Gentle Words to Help You Heal and Grow (Rider)
Setting boundaries can be a real struggle for many of us. Dr. Marie will give us the tools to set healthy boundaries in all relationships. She will expand on how choosing ourselves is not selfish but foundational, as we must be whole and grounded to authentically contribute to others without resentment or depletion.
Dr. Kore Nissenson Glied, NYC clinical psychologist specializing in anxiety, depression, and insomnia (CBT/ACT). Researcher on trauma, OCD, and HIV. Co-founder of The Type C Personality podcast—helping people-pleasers overcome burnout.
Anna White, Ex-Wall Street exec turned advocate after her Type C traits led to chronic burnout. Co-founder of The Type C Personality podcast. UNC Chapel Hill MBA.
Tired of putting everyone else first? Presenting together, Dr. Glied and Anna White will help to empower chronic helpers to develop healthier habits. They will explain the roots of your people-pleasing and give you the tools to reclaim your time and energy without the guilt.
Dr. Liz Gloyn, Reader in Latin Language and Literature at Royal Holloway, University of London. Author of The Ethics of the Family in Seneca (Cambridge University Press) and Tracking Classical Monsters in Popular Culture (Bloomsbury).
Dr. Gloyn will speak about how Seneca viewed the family—both biological and intellectual—as the fundamental school for learning virtue. She will explain how Stoic philosophy uses the family as a model for being in harmony with the universe. The discussion will combine analysis of Seneca's texts with the social context of ancient Rome to show how his ideas were relevant to familial relationships.
Dr. Leah Aguirre, psychotherapist and co-owner of Cove Counseling Group in San Diego, author of Is This Really Love? (New Harbinger)
Dr. Aguirre's talk will challenge the harmful tendency to dismiss emotional abuse as mere exaggeration or drama, highlighting how this perpetuates silence and suffering. She will provide a clear framework for identifying the subtle signs of abuse, such as gaslighting, constant criticism, and isolation.
Dr. Gregory B. Sadler, ReasonIO and Milwaukee Institute of Art and Design. Teacher of philosophy both inside and outside the traditional academy, philosophical counselor, and producer of accessible resources on philosophy.\
Dr. Sadler's talk will focus on Aristotle's view on friendships—and explain why the highest form, based on mutual virtue, is so rare and difficult to achieve. He will expand on Aristotle's ideas by incorporating insights from later thinkers like Cicero.
Dr. Jeff Perron, C.Psych , clinical psychologist at the Ottawa Institute for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and the author of the popular Substack newsletter The Psychology of Happiness.
De. Perron will explore how our deeply ingrained life patterns, or schemas, can create recurring challenges in our relationships. He will then illuminate how the ancient principles of Stoicism can provide powerful tools to break these negative cycles and cultivate resilience. Attendees will leave with practical strategies to foster a more mindful, rational, and ultimately happier approach to love.
And finally, there’s me.
Kasey Pierce —coauthor of The Stoicism Workbook and the forthcoming The Rescuer Trap (New Harbinger)
I’ll be speaking on the subject of "The Fixer"—a person who falls in love not with who someone is, but with the idealized potential of who they could be. I’ll provide clarity on how to recognize this behavior, understand its roots, and shift towards building relationships based on genuine acceptance rather than a project-based fantasy.
Dr. Waltman and I will be hosting and we hope that you will join us for this life-impacting discussion. The event is free, but donations are welcome. We invite you to donate the value of this conference—what you think it’s worth. It’s your generosity that keeps us putting on these virtual events to promote philosophy as a way of life.
Until then, live well and love wisely.
With (lasting) love,
Kasey Pierce
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